Saturday, August 4, 2012

Strong Hold

Feeling way to stressed and way to overwhelmed. I'm in our bed and the hubby is on the couch again, not because he would rather be there instead of in bed with me but because it's closer to the bathroom and when he has flare ups like these, he is so tired when the pain settles he falls out where he is. I can't stand to see him in so much pain all the time..

He was told by our family doctor that he is 99% sure Trent has Crohn's disease, he ordered Trent to go to a specialist for further testing to be 100% correct with an official diagnoses and on top of that Trent has a large tumor on his right shoulder blade pinching nerves, The doctor also refereed him to a surgeon to have the tumor removed and tested for cancer, ect. We can't even afford to get him to the disease specialist which is 1 hour and 30 mins away from us, much less the surgeon to have this God awful tumor removed and tested.
Plus he would have to "go under" for both procedures which would mean he could not drive afterward, our car is a standard and I can not drive one, nor can i drive in big cites with lots of traffic( I have severe anxiety and go into full blow attacks easily) pretty much all of our family lives out of state and we stay to ourselves so we have no friends that are close by to help out.

On top of everything we are going through health and financially, there are cruel, cruel, CRUEL people in this world. Trent has/had (not sure if he still has the position) a part-time job, well i wouldn't even call it part-time job anymore. They call him and all other employes only when they need them, if they are lucky they get 2 days a week in.Well, They sit back an allow other employes to abuse each other, the supervisor on site must think that watching people bully others is fun! There was an incident at work where two other employes who have issues with a friend of mine takes their anger out on my husband talking trash about my friend. My husband told them that "I have nothing to do with that situation, she is my wife's friend."
Well, this week one of the two decided to start harassing my husband to the point of putting his hands on my husband, he did not hit him but he "pushed" him and taunted and taunted for him to fight. Do you not see that my husband is small framed first off, not to mention has became so weak and is in chronic pain??? My husband is not a fighter(he will when it comes to his family) but other then that he is a nice guy who befriends anyone, there is not a soul he will not try to be a friend to, he sees good in all people even when he shouldn't.
Btw the supervisor stood there and watched the whole thing going on. My husband looked over to him and said "are you going to do something about this? I would like to just work." the boss said "fight it out" and walked off.. The bully just thought that was the funniest thing and proceeded to get more intense with the harassment. Trent couldn't handle anymore abuse and came home. He went driving around to revisit other companies to inquire about application he had put in. When he came home he was so upset that he couldn't sit still, he couldn't eat, he is just so depressed. He has barely ate anything in the past 2 days. He is out of the hydrocodone for the pain and I'm just so tired of seeing him hurt.

Some people have their opinions of my husband and that's fine. But, you do not know the person i know. You do not see what i see and know what i know about him. He is not perfect, there are things that he needs to work on to better our family, as do i and those who judge. In the past he made HUGE mistakes, and i see him trying to correct those mistakes. He has changed so much in the past 3 years since we officially got married. Sometimes he will have a weak slip up moment but quickly corrects his bad judgements.

August second we have been together 8 years and 3 children later!
Trent is my MEMORY when i forget to take my medication & so much more( i have a memory disorder) he is my PUSH when i need to get things done (I'm a tad lazy) he is my VOICE when i can't find words to say( i have severe social anxiety) he is my WARMTH when the world is so cold, he is my STRONG HOLD when i need to feel loved.  I would be so lost without him. It took 8 years to get we're we are in our marriage and I pray that these health and financial burdens do not destroy what we worked so hard to build.

Thank you for listening to me vent it out this early morning!

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